by Jeff From, Union Church Stephen Leader
Being a Stephen Leader in the Stephen Ministry at Union Church is a contemplative and restorative honor. As a group, the Stephen Ministry trainees and Stephen Leader facilitators go through twenty classes on what is required of a Stephen Minister. This group learns together. The class topics are not new information for most of the people in the group: confidentiality, feelings, listening, healthy boundaries, and caring for others as Christ would. These classes offer the opportunity to contemplate all these topics, helping us become better friends and members of our families and community.
Everyone involved in Stephen Ministry has experienced loss. We know what it’s like to experience the isolation and strong emotions that come with loss. We also know that there are ways out of the darkness. We understand that part of our journey in healing is walking with others on their journey of healing.
For me as a Stephen Leader, the restorative nature of Stephen Ministry is a personal one. Much of the work that Stephen Ministry does is to help people work with the emotions and feelings that come with loss. As you might imagine, while being trained on working with loss and emotions, participants share from their own experiences of loss. There is bonding and trust that develops while sharing with others. Having participated in the fifty hours of training for the first Stephen Ministry class I was able to share the emotions and thoughts that I work with from loss I have experienced. This is restorative for me in many ways, but I was surprised to find how this work has been restorative for my relationship with my father, who died in 2011.
My father experienced a great deal of loss throughout his life. One major event was a diving accident at the age of 37 which left him quadriplegic. I never witnessed him expressing emotions and feelings that were tied to this trauma. He kept plugging away at life and maintained the breadwinner status of our family. I appreciate the example he was of “life goes on after loss.” He was exceptional in so many ways. I would have benefited greatly in learning how he worked with the emotional parts of his losses, but he never shared. This is a curse of patriarchy; boys are taught not to express vulnerability or emotions.
My father was a Stephen Leader in the church where I grew up. This is one of the reasons that I decided to become a Stephen Leader at Union Church. In going through the Stephen Ministry training with our first class of trainees, I realized that my father would have had to demonstrate vulnerability and share the emotions that he had experienced in his many losses. Upon this realization, I questioned my mother, and she confirmed that this was my father’s experience. Knowing that he found healing in the work he did with Stephen Ministry gives me a great sense of peace. There is more depth to my understanding of my father because of our shared experience as Stephen Leaders. I am grateful to him, the Stephen Ministry trainees, and the people of Union Church for allowing me to have this experience.
Also in this newsletter….
- What Next, Union Church?!
- Music News — and plenty of it!! Concert Finale Photo, Gift Toward Organ Restoration, Piano Fundraiser, Summer Music Opportunities Link, Carnegie Hall Opportunity!
- James Everett Small Stokes Birth Announcement!
- Pentecost Church Family photo, Notes & Notices, Cowan Chapel Lectern, Birthdays & Anniversaries
- Union Church Completes its First Our Whole Lives program for Teens
- Take Back the Kitchen: Lessons from the Zapatistas
- Did You Know?
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